It's common to go through a wide range of emotions, especially in the first few weeks after the suicide. Some of these feelings may contradict each other. Others may fade away and then return. Here are some of the emotions you may have as you grieve:
- Shock. You may, for instance, feel detached from the event. This is a natural response to trauma. Shock can help you function. Many people find they must detach themselves from the tragedy while they deal with the logistics of death, such as end-of-life preparations.
- Denial. It's common to refuse to accept the fact of another's death. This can be especially true with a suicide. There is nothing wrong with wanting to shield yourself from the details of your loved one's death. But in your own time, it's important to accept what has happened. This will allow you to move forward with your grief.
- Guilt. This is often reported by those who have lost a loved one to suicide. You may wonder how you could have prevented it. How did you miss the signs? Again, this is natural. But it's important to know that you're not to blame for your loved one's death.
- Sadness. This feeling may last longer than the others. It can be triggered by reminders of your loved one. This will never fade entirely. In time, the reminders may bring back not only sad memories, but happy ones, too.
- Anger. It may be confusing to feel angry at the person you've lost. You may ask, “How could they have done this to me?” Anger is often a key step in grieving. It is as valid as any other emotion you have during this time. Remember that you can still care deeply for your loved one while feeling upset about their actions.
You may also keep thinking about “Why?” Suicide and its motivations can be hard to understand. Even if you know your loved one struggled with their mental health, you may still have questions.
As hard as the grieving process is, try to accept the reality of what happened. But know that acceptance does not mean forgetting about your loved one. It means remembering their life, not just their suicide. It also means learning how to move on with your own life.